What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

I think the readers, may guess!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Wild card Boisson stuns Pegula - Roland Garros

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

England is launching a gonorrhea vaccine. Is Canada next? - Yahoo

Ive learnt so much.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Amid tariff drama, good economic news can't catch a break - Axios

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

We were not on the streets..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

How does growing up in chaos affect a child as they become an adult?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

When she asked me how she looked .

Do you think Japan will have same-sex marriage by 2030?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Do you regret being married to your current wife?

As i do to all so called friends.?

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Was to survive, this bastard.

I was seconnd youngest,

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I know ,a lot about trauma.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I was 9 years of age.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

This is soul school!.

Would this be the day?

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Comes on , in middle age.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

So, i spoilt her more .

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Why did i forgive my father ?

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I will be 64.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I waited trembling.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

It was going to be , some day.

She wouldn,t have been !

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

All the time i was locked up.

My life is so biszare .

But ive been too sick for many years..

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Who then, do I blame.?

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I never cut or harmed myself..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

She found it foreign!.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I have no regrets .

One cannot live in the past .

He knew the spot.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I write beautiful poetry .

We all went to grammer schools

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Put me off passion for life!!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

(And it was in our own minds.)

Especially a lifetime of it.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

And i lived it daily.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My family never makes their pension either.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

She was in good health!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I was scared of men, in general

But, we were locked up after school.

I don,t even have a pension.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

He resisted the act ,that day.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

So whats the point in blame.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

I was very sick at this time too.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

She married twice! .

She loved him until the end.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

But it wasn’t much.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

I couldn’t, believe it.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im still living with it.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I said to her

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

What did i know ?

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life